Nagging pain
My girl and I have this recurring problem of just constantly
misunderstanding each other. I’m not getting into specifics but it ranges from her
asking me how she should reply to someone about something I don’t know about, to
her not recognizing when I need her to be by my side. I know there are bigger
problems such as cheating or physically hurting each other but it’s as if I
feel we can’t co-exist most of the time. Like Ateneans and Lasallians in
Araneta.
Contrary to what Nina said, I know that I am NOT the last guy on earth. But you know what? I know I give my all when it comes to my relationship. I come off as “sumbatero” I know but hey that’s the truth. I know in a relationship someone has to carry the heavier load and I accept that but I just wonder sometimes if I deserve to expect something from her. Something she says that she would do. I’m not saying that she’s a bad girlfriend. I’m just wondering when and where I should stop expecting. Plus, this has been happening for years, why can’t it be fixed? I’m just getting frustrated that we’re not on the same page as much as I would like to, or as we would like to. Not always, but as often as possible. Besides there’s no perfect relationship.
I know some might say that love needs nothing in exchange and that it pays for itself. Yeah. True. The ever unavoidable unconditional love like a bank account that accumulates interest solely by its existence. Some may also say, just let go of it. But would it solve anything? I love her ‘cause I lover her and, secondary, I know she loves me back. With that, I do whatever I can possibly do expecting she does the same. But many times she really can’t. And she knows it but she says she will. I know problems are packaged with a relationship but when a certain problem cannot be reconciled and keeps popping its head back time and time again, it accumulates over time. It takes its toll and like a pimple, you want to squeeze the hell out of it.
Love, should it be just there? Absolute. Present yet immovable. Or should it be there to change not one but the both of you. You know, to the same direction together. Ever asked yourself, for those in a relationship, where you are in terms of growth? Like when little things aren’t reconciled yet after years. Sometimes you think, what if there’s a bigger issue? How would that be handled? Personally, I am eager to get over that hump. I say bring on the heat. Bring on the next challenge. Bring on the growing pains. Give me my right of passage to that mature and progressive relationship.
That’s why I see this as a nagging pain. There’s pain, a little, but in high frequency that it’s causing me scratch the itch. Go under the ice berg and see what’s beneath. As you can see, I tend to be counterintuitive with my self at times or not? hahaha. I negate myself (trust me). I am a walking contradiction, as they say. But all I know is I want things to be clear – solved. But what really is the prob and how could it be solved?